~Self-Acceptance~

Looking in the Mirror: 
Inspired by Robert Holden

"Self-acceptance is the experience of seeing yourself as you really are, without any criticism or attack, and without any demands that you should be something more, better, or different.  To see yourself without any judgement or recrimination, is life changing, because when you do this the self-image that you made disappears and in its place your original Unconditioned Self returns." 

Try the following exercise:

• Set aside at least ten minutes with no distractions.
• Stand in front of a mirror of any size.
• Set a timer for 3-5 minutes.
• Begin writing what you see as you look into the mirror. 
• Continue looking in the mirror until the timer beeps, even if you have the urge to stop.

Take a moment to look over everything you wrote.  Take into consideration that the mirror isn't doing anything.  The mirror isn't mocking you, distorting what you see, or judging anything about you.  The mirror can only reflect to you what you already see and what you already think about. 

 Try this exercise again with the following guidelines:  

• This time, write about what you see without any criticism or judgements against yourself.
• Try not to make any references to your past or any stories about your life.  
• Only view yourself with love and appreciation.  
• See yourself through the eyes of love, compassion, and as a perfect creation.  
• Try seeing yourself through the eyes of somebody who loves you.  
• Consider seeing yourself through the eyes of a creator; such as a loving God, the Universe, Mother Nature, or Life itself.   

  

Compare your lists:

1. What do you notice about your two lists? 
2. Is there anything that changed from the first to second list? 
3. In everyday life, do you have thoughts of criticism or self-blame related to your fertility?
4. How can you apply this exercise to the way you view your fertility journey?

 Bottom line, we are perfectly made!  We are the children of somebody who thinks that we're perfectly made.  When we have our own children, they'll be perfectly made.  It's about time that we start seeing ourselves perfectly made.   

Authentically You: 

The Unconditioned Self - is everything about you that is authentic.  The unconditional self is who you are without learned behaviors, negative thoughts, painful fears, reactions to life circumstances, or criticisms.  It always comes from a place of compassion and love.  It is the pure essence of who you have always been, even as a child.

Self-image - is relative to what you believe about yourself and it is ever changing.  It is the story you tell yourself, rather than the entire truth or reality.  This is the part of you that is learned through criticism, judgements, self-blame, and other peoples opinions about you.  It is the part of you that gets tangled and identified with your feelings.  Identifying yourself in this way typically sets off behaviors, reactions, or painful thoughts.

Misidentification: 

One great way to build self-acceptance it to eliminate negative connotations from your life.  It makes a huge difference when you word things differently. 

The following is a list of negative connotations related to fertility:

• My infertility
• I am getting too old
• I am undeserving of a baby
• I am abnormal or defective
• Something is wrong with me
• I'm incomplete
• My body's inability to have kids

It is important to remember that going through fertility struggles does not define who we are.  We may be better people because our struggles, but our self-worth is not infertile.  Finding ways to overcome the way we think of ourselves can help us rise about the struggles we face. 

Here are some suggested ways to change the wording: 

 

•  My infertility - I have struggled with fertility, or I feel ______ when it comes to fertility.
•  I am getting old - I feel pressured to have a baby now.
•  I am undeserving - I feel ______ that it hasn't been my turn to have a baby.
•  I am abnormal or defective - I feel different than other people who conceive easily.
•  Something is wrong with me - I feel inadequate when others get pregnant and I don't.
•  I am incomplete - I feel a void in my life when it doesn't match my dream for myself.
•  My body's inability to have kids - I feel ____ that my body has been unable to carry a pregnancy.

 

A few common fears that keep people from self-acceptance:

Fear 1:  All hell will be let loose.

Fear 2:  The end of self-improvement.

Fear 3:  I will loose my motivation.

The more willing you are to like yourself, the more you'll increase your chances to be energized by motivation and clear thinking.  This leaves more space to simply be here now.

 A Journaling Challenge:

I challenge you to apply unconditional love to your life, especially when it comes to your fertility journey.  Then track or journal the impact this has on your life. 

As you do so, keep the following questions in your mind: 

"How does accepting me, exactly the way I am, spill over into other areas of my life?" 

"Does doing so allow me more space to think clearly and deal with fertility situations more effectively?"